How to define feeling lonely

How do you define loneliness?

As Aristotel said – man is by nature a social animal. It is in our nature to strive for approval, to try to blend in and seek comfort in the presence of others. Successful people are often characterized by the fact that they are never alone –almost always surrounded by friends, fans and colleagues. This is why when we don’t have someone to be with, or to talk to, causes this universal human emotion – loneliness. It is a complex condition with specific features for each individual. Several reasons for feeling lonely can be identified.

Subconscious need for solitude

Sometimes we are the very reason for being alone. In such a case distance is something we are in need of but we often fail to realize that. In the words of Douglas Coupland - “Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.” Very often in periods of feeling lonely we are pushing people away. It can be just by not participating actively in a conversation, or being too negative and unresponsive. In such a case the best thing to do is to use this time of solitude to rethink your life, your goals and dreams. It is a chance to start over – to engage yourself in something new. When you realize that, loneliness becomes not scary at all and can be seen as a necessary condition for personal development.

A sign of depression

We are complex creatures. Periods of happiness and sorrow take turns through our lives and sometimes one of them is characterized by particularly strong emotions. In a time of great sadness depression can take over. By definition it is a poor state of mind and aversion to activity. This means a lack of motivation to do anything and we all know that being social is something that can require a lot of effort. Thus, starting to be depressed can reduce your desire for communication and make you feel left out.

A result of being shy

Some of us are shy and this is no reason for embarrassment. Being this shouldn’t make you think less of yourself. As mentioned in the beginning, successful people are often surrounded by attention and realizing this subconsciously is why less communicative people often feel undervalued. In this case soaking in the emotion is not a good thing to do. If you have felt lonely for a lot of time it may be a sign that it is time to rethink your social behavior.  Try to meet people who share a same interest – it will make you more confident and a common hobby can be a great conversation starter. Think about ways of becoming more social. If you are shy and avoid talking to people, loneliness is not going to go away by itself.

Both three cases can be the root of feeling lonely. The emotion is different for every person and can vary in strength and reasons. It is a built-in effect in our psychology, developed through the social evolution of mankind. It shouldn’t be something to be afraid of – a little analysis of your life and personality often is enough to fight the negative feeling and even use it as a chance to improve.